Filed under: Design, etc, News & Trends
In a struggling economy, kids of all ages (and their children) are living at home with their parents. And the meaning of home just got a little more complicated.As Bloomberg BusinessWeek recently announced on their cover: "The Kids are Not Alright."
According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more people 20 to 24 years old are unemployed compared to those over 25. Add to that the sudden disappearance of many a retirement plan of older kids, and it's easy to see why more and more people are choosing to live with their parents again. Even mid-life grown ups are living at home with their parents -- people with jobs and kids and their own grown up life. In this economy, it just makes sense to pool family resources.
Ken Wramton, Getty Images
"It is a challenging and sometimes insurmountable situation for both the adult child and parent(s) alike when one returns 'home,'" says David A Reinstein, a clinical psychologist. "Even the most aware and sensitive parents can stumble into treating their adult child as though they were still just an older child. On the other side, it is often difficult for adult children to accept and live with the reality that they are now living in someone else's home and must abide by the expectations there."
Sometimes families mesh together perfectly.
Linda Frey had been married for almost ten years and had a six month old daughter when they sold their home and moved in with her parents while they looked for a house. "The good part was that mom cooked, did the laundry, and took care of my daughter," she says. "It felt like I was on vacation for a bit. We had put all our things in storage and basically moved in with just the clothes on our back."
Frey's husband and her father both worked nights, so she and her mom were home together at night. "I think my mom liked it because she had company," she says. "My parents were very generous; they gave us room and board for free, but my husband and I were not comfortable with this so we made up for it later by buying them a three season porch for their home."
When they moved out, in the middle of a hot, humid summer, it was tough because Frey had to resume all the household duties and they didn't have any air conditioning in the new place. "Believe me, at first, when we moved out, I really missed living with my mommy," she says. "We had become close and that was a great experience because when I was a child we were like oil and vinegar."
Of course, her parents went through a bit of separation anxiety too. "The daily walks and interactions with their grand daughter and us had given them a lot of happiness and all of a sudden we were gone. But we got through it and all is great today."
Sometimes children move in with their parents at the parent's request. "My dad had had a triple bypass, he was diabetic, and taking care of his wheelchair bound girlfriend," says Bob Balbi. "He was exhausted and physically incapable of handling everything that needed to be done with health care and managing a house. Then his girlfriend ended up in a nursing home and while he was taking care of her, he fell and broke his hip. He asked us to move in with him, and we ended up taking care of him."
The rough spots were frequent, particularly because of the generation gaps. "We had raised our daughter to speak up for herself, and my father wasn't used to that," says Balbi. "He was strict [with her] and in some ways it was very stressful."
Balbi's father later passed on from prostate cancer. "It was really tough on all of us because we had chosen to take care of him at home," he says. "The V.N.A. (visiting nurse's association) helped us to better understand cancer and the stages of the disease."
But in retrospect, Balbi wouldn't have had it any other way. "Although it was a sad experience, it was also a great experience. I was glad to be able to give my dad comfort and peace of mind in his final days. We were lucky, not everyone is."
"Moving back home with the 'rents' has its good and bad qualities," says Cassandra Gutkowski. She moved out to live with a roommate when she was 21, but it didn't work out. "Then I moved in with another friend, who became my boyfriend, and things were good for a while. I really enjoyed being responsible for myself and having a place that I could call home. But then things fell apart." Instead of trying to look for another roomate, Gutkowski decided that it would be cheaper to move home so that she could save money to buy her own home.
On the positive side, Gutkowski is closer to work and there is less of a commute. She also benefits from coming home to home-cooked meals a lot of the time and she's enjoying spending time with the cat she had to leave at home when she moved out. "I am also closer to the friends that I grew up with and have re-kindled some of my old friendships," she says.
Privacy, of course, is an issue. "Even though I am close to my mom and step-dad, the house is a busy one with people coming and going all the time, and the phone never stops ringing," she says. "I also feel like I have to check in with my parents to let them know where I am going and what I am doing."
And even though she hoped to save money, she finds she's spending more. "It's kind of funny because I thought I would be saving more money than I am, but I end up going out a lot more than I did in the old apartment."
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