No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
The first step isn't about picking up after each other, it's about getting your family's commitment to a system and a style of living that they're committed to from the start. You've got to help them see the value in living in a space and behaving in a particular type of way - they're not mind readers, you have to tell them what you need.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Sit down with anyone who's going to use the living room and ask everyone what they want from the space. We spend so much time asking "what do you need FOR this space" -- a comfy couch, a flatscreen -- but not what we want FROM it. Maybe dad wants a comfortable place to crash after work, Mom wants a place to read, Junior wants to play video games. Once you have it all set, write it down.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Now ask: How can we all get what we want from the space while also honoring and respecting everyone else's vision and dream for the space as well? Look at what functions are going to take place in the space and then define zones. This might feel kind of pedantic, but it works.
OK, so mom wants a place to read? What does she need there: a couch or comfy chair? Where will you store the books? Designate three shelves. Now this is the reading area, so if there's a book laying around, you know where the book belongs. Now that there's set shelf space, you know there's a limit on how many books to keep out there. Same for Junior - get those video games a bin and a spot for the controllers to live when they're not being used. Now it's Junior's responsibility to put the controller away so he can get what he wants from the space. Do this with everything.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
It'll help you train the kids, but it's also good for mom and dad. If you agree as a family that you're going to use the room in the way you decided, the Friday box is where all the stragglers go. If dad leaves his cellphone lying where he said he would not, or mom leaves her book on the sofa, these items go in the Friday box and you don't get them back until Friday.
Again, it's not about the stuff, it's about you showing respect for your family and the space that you share. So if you don't fulfill your end of the bargain everyone has the power to put your things in the Friday box!
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
You have to train your kids -- when they come in the back door, they shouldn't throw their backpacks on the floor. Right? But also when you come in from the store, you can't throw your groceries on the table. You have to show kids that cleaning up after themselves is about being responsible for what they do, where they live and what they own. It's something that should be as routine as putting your pants on before leaving the house every morning.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Think about it, if you throw clothes in the washing machine and let it run for 20 minutes and then stop it and leave it there for a week, by the time you open it you have a stinky smelly mess. Why? Because you didn't let it finish the cycle. You've got to adopt that mentality in your home. When you open a drawer, you close it. When you dirty something, you clean it and put it away. When you bring in the mail don't throw it on the kitchen counter, you open it, file it, shred it, deal with it immediately. The worst words you can use are "I will get to that later." If you don't train yourself to deal with things now, clutter accumulates, things get dirty and get put off until they reach crisis mode.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Now, if your family still won't pick up after themselves, that has nothing to do with cleaning: That has to do with respect. Get together again with your family and talk about shared responsibility. There needs to be consequences for their actions -- the Friday box is the funniest and least offensive of these, but trust me, it'll have a big impact. And tell your kids if they're not prepared to contribute to cleaning, why should they get an allowance or go out with friends or watch TV? When it comes to responsibilities, parents have to be parents and not be friends.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Chores shouldn't be random requests. As a family, make a list of the things that need to be done each week, who's responsible for what and when they need to get done. Kids love routines and schedules. But when you get pissy and tell them to take the garbage out, that's ridiculous -- there's no routine or logic in that. If you don't have a routine and schedule, kids associate cleaning and being responsible with your nagging. You have to get ahead of the emotions behind all of this stuff and let everyone see it as something that's beneficial for the household rather than a punishment.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Here's the deal. You give time to what you believe is important, and if you tell me you don't have time, what you're really saying is "I don't think that's important." That's sidestepping responsibility and wanting someone else to do the hard work for you. My response: Own your life! Step up and be responsible for it. You can create the life you want. You don't have time? Yes you do -- you just need to find it in your schedule.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Does this item help me create the vision that I have for this space? If the answer is "Someday, maybe" that's fine, put it aside for six weeks and don't buy anything else in the meantime. It's fine to delay, but be very careful. Don't fill your house with stuff you might need one day. You're preparing for a whole bunch of different futures instead of living the way you want to be living now.
No-Nag Solutions for a Clean House
Oprah's organizing guru Peter Walsh tells us how to keep our houses clean and our families happy. Photo: Peter Walsh Design.